So we're 4 days until Ironman Wales... the tension, excitement and anxiety are building and at this late stage in the game there is a quiet calmness because you know nothing more can be done to improve your physical performance. All of the hard training sessions have been banked and now while the body takes time to process and absorb the hours you've put in... you mind starts to wander.
This is the bit where the question marks start appearing, where you start asking yourself if you've done enough, are you good enough, can you do it, can you hold your target pace and power, do you have the right kit, what will the weather be, why is EVERYONE in the office ill?!!!?!
The list goes on... Many of these questions you just can't answer, many you don't need to but if you've done your preparation then many of the answers you'll already know.
It's just the little seed of doubt that makes you question yourself... The fear of failure; what if things don't work out? The fear of success; what if things do work out and I can't handle it?
This feels especially apparent to me this year because my list of fears is different to my first Ironman in Nice where I didn't know if I could make it around the course. I'm now sat here knowing that I have the ability to ride an age group winning bike split and run an age group winning run... but what if I don't?
What if I don't put in a performance that will do myself justice, a performance that shows those closest to me that all of the times I've said "no I can't do that" or "I can't go there because I'm training" have been worth it.
What that subtle change has taught me is fear doesn't go away. Fear is like perspective, it changes as you change. As a rule, your mind will always find something new to worry about no matter what you're doing... maybe this is an inherent human weakness.
Are You Sitting Comfortably?
You shouldn't be. Your dream should scare the sh*t out of you. It should both instil a deep fear but give you tingles of excitement at the same time. The thing with pushing yourself and doing big things is trying to manage fear, self belief, staying true to your dream and life all at the same time. That's probably why only a few actually get to truly live their dream.
But no matter how much it scares you, if you truly believe you can accomplish it and you're prepared to put in the hours of work that it will take to get there, then you can.
There is no hard, there is no easy.
There is the goal, the price that must be paid and the eyes observing from a distance...
Wondering...just maybe, if they could do the same.
The Chip On My Shoulder
I was lucky enough to have a great great man as a Grandfather. One with stories of adventures, daring and bravery. A lifetime of stories that showed a strength of character that you don't find. As my mum will know, his value was above rubies.
Derrick Cooling - The Legend
I wanted these kind of stories. I wanted to be able to sit my grandchildren down and be more than someone who coasts through life without making any ripples. I wanted to test myself, inspire people and push the boundaries and limits that were laid out by other men. Probably because I'm stubborn as you like but also because I can't let my life be defined by the opinion and outlook of others.
It is this idea that pushes me to want it... I want it so bad it hurts and I'll take all of the pain that I need to take until I've done enough to get there. I suppose you can call that passion, some might call it stupidity but either way, I'll keep the pedals turning until I get there.
I may find that my limits are the same or less than the boundaries set out by others... I just need to see it for myself.
The question people always ask is "what will you do when you've done that?" like this pursuit of better is all about getting a medal or race finishers t-shirt. Really?! Consider for a moment that I don't climb onto this bike or slip into my running shoes because I want a mass produced medal or a cheap finishers t-shirt, I do those things that you might consider to be crazy because I love it.
Belief
Self belief is a very strange thing. It's a bit like being 'The One'. Nobody can tell how to, you just kind of know it. Deep deep down you know that there is something inside you that is worth pushing for. It all sounds a bit like Neo in the Matrix but it's pretty much the same.
The difficult thing is that when you've got a bit of self belief and you're working on your dream, the noises of the doubters start to stir. A great many people will tell you that they don't think you can do that, or go that fast, or hold that power. You might not be able to but how do they know?
These are the types of fear based boundaries and limits that people set and who will readily tell you about because maybe their insecurity wont let them believe that its possible.
This is where you can get busy proving them wrong, or sometimes right (be prepared to eat some humble pie if you get it wrong). But just give it a go. Find out for yourself!
One of my favourite quotes that I think embodies self belief;
The general idea is, if you want to do something bigger, or go faster than anyone has ever gone before, then you're going to need to do things people have never done before. Be that training harder, hurting more, more hours training, something will need to be different for you to get a different result to everyone else... Unless you're incredibly lucky and genetically gifted that is!
My one piece of advice is cut away the people who let fear guide them. No matter how hard you try, there will be times when your strength wavers and when you need people around you to remind you that you can do it. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe. Be positive, believe in yourself and you will attract people who do the same.
Iron Doesn't Break, It Bends
If you want to do unreasonable things, you need to be an unreasonable person. Now life isn't black and white and it takes maturity to realise that (31 years old and I've only just sussed it out).
A truer statement is something along the lines of;
Be unreasonable in your aims but flexible in your approach.
There is a reason the race is called an Ironman and not a Diamondman. Yes diamond is harder than Iron, but it's so hard it's brittle. Iron is malleable and can bend and change shape but remains strong.
Life has a funny way of throwing a spanner into the intricate works of your best thought out plan. That is something that you need to prepare and account for. From an athlete's perspective this usually appears as some unforeseen engagement that you're obliged to attend, illness, injury or broken equipment.
All of these things can stop you training and could leave you feeling like you're falling behind. You need to be honest with yourself about your program and what you can realistically fit around life. If you're constantly beating yourself up about not having time for that brick run or that lunch swim session then training will end up being a negative experience.
Set achievable targets that really push you, set a realistic program that you can complete and little goals that you can tick off every week. Take that approach and you'll start giving yourself a regular pat on the back and start feeling good about it. The bottom line is that training is tough enough without giving yourself a hard time. That's the flexibility part.
The unreasonable part comes sits the other side of the seesaw. Sometimes you're going to need to duck out of trips, social events or nights out if you want to put the time in. But then if you're truly passionate about what you're doing then this shouldn't bother you. You might need to get used to saying no to a lot of things so you can say one massive "YESSSSSSSSSS!!!" as you cross the finish line with a new PB. Follow the dream, take the hard route even though its painful. It will be worth it in the end.
No Man Is An Island
I've always considered myself a bit of a lone wolf type. I don't really fit well with a big group of friends and much prefer to walk my own path. At times this has been quite a lonely walk but a walk that I knew I could complete if I remained strong and true to myself. One thing I always remind myself of is the toughest climbs lead to the greatest destination. It's probably not that the place you get to is any better than another place, the beauty of the destination is defined by the pain you went through to get there.
Something I have definitely realised is that behind any strong Ironman or Ironwoman is an incredible support network.
There isn't really much to say about the support network because if you're reading this you probably already know how valuable these people are. My only advice is;
- Take the time to let them know that they are important to you and you value their contribution on your journey.
- Take the time to put special effort in with your partner who probably doesn't want to talk about your new aero wheels at dinner.
- Get a round in when people have come to watch you race, its a bloody long day for them and they probably need a drink to sooth the vocal cords that have been shouting your name for the last umpteen hours.
Here are a few shout outs to my support crew, who have accompanied me on my journey so far and who I couldn't have done it without;
Jo, my babe of a fiancée and the Chairwoman of my fan club. She needs a medal for the amount of times she has picked me up off the floor after I've overdosed on exercise. Thank you for supporting me at all of my races, keeping me fed and helping me keep my sh*t together. Definitely couldn't do it without you!
Mum & Huw, for not only supporting me at my events, but covering every fence post, lamppost and tree on 'The Tumble' with motivational posters for my Everesting attempt, and half of the time participating in the events too! I think you've both probably loathed me at times thanks to some of the challenges I've laid down so you both get brownie points for sense of humour and cheerfulness in the face of adversity.
Chief, for being my own personal Mr Motivator; always reminding me that there's something special inside and a reason to believe, giving me endless motivational quotes and for the hours upon hours of phone calls listening to me talking through training plans, equipment and race tactics. Think you could probably write a book with all the triathlon knowledge you've got!
Sister, for believing in me, worrying I'm going to drop dead at a moments notice for pushing too hard and pestering Jo through every minute of every race. Can't forget Georgia aka Treasures... my own little race mascot!
If after all that you're still struggling for motivation... have a watch of my favourite pre-race video. This should sort you out!
Train with Horsepower
If that is how you like your coaching, straight and built for your race, take a look at the training plans or see how coaching works.